Lord, make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
There is a race between engineers making things more idiot proof and the Universe building bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else-you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha
If at first you don't succeed call in an air strike.
In the beginning of Change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, however, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
Mark Twain
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.
Robert Newton Peck
Eunuch: A man who has had his works cut out for him.
Claustrophobia: A Texan in Rhode Island.
Whatever crushes individuality is despotism, by whatever name it may be called.
John Stuart Mill
The law of gross tonnage always applies.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
The best defensive driving system I have found to date is a passenger leaning out the window with a shotgun.
To a Believer no proof is necessary. To a Skeptic no amount of proof is sufficient.
The smartest person in the world does not know everything. They know where to find the information they need.
An armed society is a polite society.
The more laws, the less justice.
Cicero
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
My idea of fast food is an elk.
Ted Nugent
Today’s Original Recipe is tomorrow's Extra Crispy.
Perfection is our goal. Excellence will be tolerated.
Never pull the same trick twice, unless they are expecting it. Then pull the same trick twice.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Claustrophobia: A Texan in Rhode Island.
An optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this to be true.
The job of a citizen is to keep his mouth open.
Gunter Grass
The only rule without exception is the rule that states there are no rules without exceptions.
Pliny the Elder
Those who refuse to support and defend a state have no claim to protection by that state.
You know you're getting cynical when you look at a prospective mate and say, 'Is this the person I want my kids to spend every other weekend with?'
Government is not a solution to our problem, government is the problem.
Ronald Reagan
Only in America will you find the Department of the Interior in charge of everything that's outside.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix Don't Drink and Derive.
some pains are physical, and some are mental, the one that's both, is dental
e e cummings
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Did you ever notice that anybody who drives faster than you is a maniac and anybody who drives slower than you is an idiot?
George Carlin
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no law, no court, no constitution can save it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
In the beginning of Change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, however, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
Mark Twain
Be wary of strong Drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - and miss.
Old Age and Treachery will always overcome Youth and Skill.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Jesus saves, Allah protects, Cthulhu thinks you’d make a nice sandwich.