Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Never argue with your spuse when she's packing your parachute.
Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be.
Jimmy Johnson
Those who refuse to support and defend a state have no claim to protection by that state.
The blackest lie is a lie that is half a truth.
A bachelor is a man who has never chased a woman he could not outrun.
The attempt to silence a man is the greatest honor you can bestow on him. It means that you recognize his superiority over yourself.
Joseph Sobran
The blackest lie is a lie that is half a truth.
If you are outnumbered, attack. It confuses them and drives their force inward.
Jedi Proverb
When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves.
George Pataki
Appeasers believe that if you keep on throwing steaks to a tiger, the tiger will become a vegetarian.
Heywood Broun
Eunuch: A man who has had his works cut out for him.
Toni Hinton
Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.
E. M. Forster
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
Gen. George S. Patton
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Talk is cheap - until lawyers get involved.
The only rule without exception is the rule that states there are no rules without exceptions.
Pliny the Elder
Jesus saves, Allah protects, Cthulhu thinks you’d make a nice sandwich.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
A bachelor is a man who has never chased a woman he could not outrun.
Those who refuse to support and defend a state have no claim to protection by that state.
A bacon & egg breakfast illustrates the difference between involvement & commitment. The chicken is involved. The pig is committed.
Only in America will you find the Department of the Interior in charge of everything that's outside.
'The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something... because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They're there to stop the other people.'
Randy Pausch
A Conservative is a Liberal who was mugged.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist....
Gen. John Sedgewick
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
We must remember that a right lost to one is lost to all.
William Ralph Inge
Time is Natures way of making sure everything doesn’t all happen at once.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
Politicians are like diapers. Both should be changed regularly & for the same reason.
You know you're getting old when your vices become habits.
An armed society is a polite society.
The best defensive driving system I have found to date is a passenger leaning out the window with a shotgun.
If at first you don't succeed call in an air strike.
Eunuch: A man who has had his works cut out for him.
Toni Hinton
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.
Patrick Henry
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Failure isn't falling down, it's staying down.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
If something doesn't work, don't do it harder; do something different.
Annoy a Liberal: Use Facts and Logic, Work, succeed, be armed, protect your family, cherish your Freedoms, don’t rely on the god of Government.
A hammer sometimes misses its mark -- a bouquet never.
Trust no one. Not even yourself.
Stalin
There is a race between engineers making things more idiot proof and the Universe building bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.