The Conservative Zone

My boss says my affect has changed. This means the way I carry myself, the way I act, the way my face looks has changed in a marked way.

And I suppose it has. I missed posting even an apology Friday, and I have nothing but this today.

I have a lot on my mind as well. Maybe that is what is holding me down. My major concern right now is the upcoming change to my cocktail when I see my medication nurse next week. I will be coming off my Wellbutrin XL because I am now limited to two name-brand prescription drugs, and we have decided that mood stability is more important than my manicness or depression. It's a dangerous tight rope I am walking, and if I fall off it means my life.

Which is one of the reasons why I feel it is important to post something, 5 days a week. If I go without posting for more than a couple of days, I need somebody to start looking for me. Call my landlord and have them open my apartment. I may be raising quite a stink by then. Unless I've done myself in in a public and spectacular manor, earning a place in the Evening News.

Let's get this straight. I have no intention of hurting myself. But the last time my medications were dicked with, I ended up in the dark screaming like I was being tortured. I wanted to bust my head open because I could feel my brain undulating under my skull. These medications when used properly can save someones life. Used improperly, they can drive someone to end their own life to get away from the feelings that drown you.

Let's hope it never comes to that.