Eunuch: A man who has had his works cut out for him.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
Eunuch: A man who has had his works cut out for him.
Toni Hinton
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The best defensive driving system I have found to date is a passenger leaning out the window with a shotgun.
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
Old Age and Treachery will always overcome Youth and Skill.
'We don't have the First Amendment, thank God, in Canada.'
Tim Collings, V-chip inventor
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
Disney World - a people trap operated by a mouse.
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Skydiving - good till the last drop.
Did you ever notice that anybody who drives faster than you is a maniac and anybody who drives slower than you is an idiot?
George Carlin
A bachelor is a man who has never chased a woman he could not outrun.
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Only in America will you find the Department of the Interior in charge of everything that's outside.
The job of a citizen is to keep his mouth open.
Gunter Grass
Don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it!
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Congress: If it moves, tax it. If it still moves, regulate it. If it stops moving, subsidize it.
Don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it!
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The man who gives in when he is wrong is wise. The man who gives in when he is right is married.
The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.
Franz Kafka
When companies ship Styrofoam peanuts, what do they pack it in?
Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be.
Jimmy Johnson
A Conservative is a Liberal who was mugged.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and success of Liberty.
John F. Kennedy
The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
Lord, make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Did you ever notice that anybody who drives faster than you is a maniac and anybody who drives slower than you is an idiot?
George Carlin
Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be.
Jimmy Johnson
The man who gives in when he is wrong is wise. The man who gives in when he is right is married.
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else-you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha
Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
An optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this to be true.
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine.'
Bob Hope
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
Disney World - a people trap operated by a mouse.
An armed citizenry, willing to fight, is the foundation of civil freedom.
Robert A. Heinlein
Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.
E. M. Forster
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. >> Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Appeasers believe that if you keep on throwing steaks to a tiger, the tiger will become a vegetarian.
Heywood Broun